Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Imperfect Perfection

Or should I title this post "Perfect Imperfection?'

As I plunge into 2015, I find myself treading the waters of parenting with trepidation, doubt, and a bit of cynicism.

Does it matter? As a leader of the three human beings put into my care, I wonder how much my influence matters... the hug and the "I love you, mama" validates my efforts... the eye-rolling and the "Mama, just let us listen to the song without your constant analysis" makes me question my power.

Here I stand. Wondering.

To love so intensely and deeply is a scary and humbling thing. To realize the powerlessness of my power is all at once liberating and terrifying to me.

Saying, "It's out of my control," is a universe away from believing it.

So, my children are all at once perfect. Then imperfect.

And, isn't that human nature? In one moment, we are changed from a reflection of our Creator into making clothing out of leaves to hide our shame. This is the struggle. Keeping it all in perspective. Loving through it all.

Being a mother is a tightrope walk in the circus tent where every seat is full.
Balance. Focus. Calm strength.

Will I make it to the other side?

Or will there be a gasp from the spectators as I fall...

Thank God, there's a net.

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