Tuesday, March 15, 2016
"Observing my own children, I was compelled to acknowledge the potency of the human soul, the power of its DNA over any conscious efforts to create a progeny in one's own image. There was something irreducibly given in their characters which created an independence that you could not reach. There was something irreducible in human character itself that rebelled against efforts to direct it too completely. You could encourage children, set an example for them, provide them with opportunities and support. But you could not program them to a desired result." -David Horowitz
I decided to blog today and as I read my last post I realized how much I have matured as a parent in a year's time...
What happened? Am I just more comfortable with the changes in my children? Has their behavior improved? Am I more confident in my ability to lead them? Or am I just more realistic?
I still have daily doubts but I feel a new confidence in my ability. Being a person of faith, I pray for myself and my children. I feel prayer is an integral part of my new self-assurance but it isn't the complete reason for my change of attitude. I feel liberated in the reality of my task. I AM NOT IN CONTROL!
I am a very logical person. I know there are time-tested methods of parenting that produce desirable results. I have observed families I feel are on the right path. I have conversations with mothers about what they do when confronted with certain parenting situations. I read. I listen. I think about my own behavior... what am I modeling in my every day life for my children?
I am human. I am not perfect and neither are my children. I shouldn't expect parenting perfection or perfect progeny. The reality of humanity is we are extremely and excessively imperfect. It seems to be the pursuit of perfection that defeats our souls. The "letting go" has freed my mind and allowed me to walk down alternate paths previously hidden by my "ideal."
Other mothers have suggested I write a book. If I wrote a book, it would be very short. Every family is different. Every child is unique. There is no magic formula.
I believe there are three words to achieving the "ideal" in life.
MAKE GOOD DECISIONS.
However, making good decisions 100% of the time is an impossibility!
This is where love comes into the equation. Discuss mistakes. Teach and demonstrate repentance. Practice forgiveness. Talk about changes that can produce better outcomes but never expect perfection. Allow failure. Teach your children to learn from failure. Be honest about your own failure.
Seems simple, right?
I am in a good place with my parenting at the moment. I know I have a lot of room for improvement. I will never be a perfect parent and I am fine with this thought. I have been liberated to live in freedom. Freedom is always risky but freedom is the best way to live!
Live in reality.
Love your children.
Make good decisions.