I know I come off as extremely confident to most of the people in my life. Well, I have a little secret I need to share... I am usually terrified of trying anything new.
When I decided to start taking pictures for other people, it was a huge leap for me. It was really hard for me to "put myself out there." It was hard for me to think some people will not like my photography... I know it's true... but it was hard. I also don't like to show any weakness. I also want to know everything there is to know about the situations of life I find myself in...
Take parenting, for example. When I found out I was pregnant with Asher, I immersed myself in my child development books from graduate school. I needed to know every detail about every developmental phase he was going through so I could be prepared with the proper stimulation for optimal development. Having my girls 22 months apart cooled my jets on the "proper stimulation for optimal development" obsession... I was lucky to make it through a day without a mental breakdown.
Photography was a challenge I didn't have to take. I should have been happy taking pictures of my own family. But, the lure of new lenses is too much for someone who likes to take pictures. So, I found myself busy with Reality Focused Photography. I found myself taking chances I hadn't taken before in my life. The weddings were the biggest challenge. A wedding isn't a "do over" in photography. You either capture the moments or you don't. It's that simple. And, it's that terrifying.
Therefore, I have scratched weddings (except for really special people) from my list. I can capture the pictures... I'm just not in love with "love."
Another terrifying part is when a good friend recommends you for a job. All I can think about is not disappointing that friend. I'm not even worried about my "reputation." It's all about them.
I've been nervous all day. Hoping I did a good job at the recommendation of a friend.
I thought by now I'd be invincible... apparently, I'm not.